Sure, I still have been crushing on her pretty hard since last semester before the summer. But, that doesn’t mean I want to force her into feeling awkward around me or whenever I talk to her. She knows I still have a crush on her, and so she avoids me frequently because she still likes staying single. I can’t judge her, she’s told me that she’s been hurt before, I just want to talk with her the way we would before all of this. I still remember when she would ask me to text/talk to her until she fell asleep. I don’t want to be the guy that passes judgement on her, because she doesn’t deserve that. Shit, I should have just pained through the panic and let things be then see where it would have all gone further down the road. Sure, I consider myself a hopeless romantic, but I won’t try so hard to chase after something that isn’t there, even if it is right in front of me. But hey, at least she knows (somewhat) how I feel about her, and she still talks to me. Not many people can have the effect on me the same way that she does. Sure, I’ll think about her on occasion, but I won’t throw all of that at her and make her feel like she has the need or obligation to avoid any form of contact with me. That may sound a bit vain, just assuming that she doesn’t talk to me because of what I say, and how I talk to her. But, it’s all happened before, it was just put more bluntly and therefore I learned more quickly. I won’t say that I “love” her, because I can’t; it’s not acceptable to do so. But, I will say that whatever it is/was that we had, I was fond of it; not going to lie, I really missed it, especially over the summer when I was in a rough spot. Things aren’t that simple though, just to pick up where we left off and skip all the awkwardness and the small incident of jealousy on my end. Basically, I just want to be a good friend. That’s what I do, and that’s what I good at. My biggest thing is that she doesn’t even know how much she helped me, and I don’t even know if I helped her. Seriously, “Life is a bitch, but I appreciate her.” I can’t even describe how relevant those lyrics are.
Almost 1 year ago, come sometime in September, I would be part of an international company. Though I will not specify the company’s name, the context clues should provide the name for those that are familiar with it. Honestly, I thought it was kinda cool at first, to have “my own” website and make money by selling their brands. I consulted my Dad about this before I did anything, since he has an MBA as well as teaches on. He advised against it, saying that it was one of those pyramid schemes that always screws people over in the long run while someone at the top makes a 7-figure salary by doing nothing. Me, being a broke college student and working while going to school, I was stupid and jumped right in. I still don’t know why I continue to have this website, especially since I have had almost not business or sales other than the products that I have purchased. I guess that I am still in that mindset of being broke and needing a way to make money. What really gets me is that there are all of these big events and conferences where the people near the top of the pyramid talk about how they succeeded with this business. It’s not the conferences and meetings that turns me off, its that we have to pay to attend and listen to different people that say the same thing every single time. It’s apparently all about how much you talk to people. I find it more as a social experiment than anything else. There are so many people that are sucked in and mesmerized by the promises of wealth just by doing this. I was in a tough spot a few months ago, trying to figure out how I would move out of my dorm, where I would go, how often I would work, if my other jobs pan out, and if financial aid would cover all of my summer classes expenses. Turned out that I was $700 short for paying my tuition for the summer, my GPA wasn’t high enough to get an on-campus job, I couldn’t afford to do my internship at a law firm, I couldn’t get any hours at work since there were 2 others that needed the hours more than I did and claimed all of them before I had a chance. In a last-ditch effort of desperation, I sought help from a “friend” who was very successful in the business and I know made more than enough money that he knew what to do with. As a grown man, it is the most difficult and painful thing in the world to ask for help. I told him that I was desperate and that I needed help. I told him that I would pay him back once I had the proper means to do so. His very first response was “Why didn’t you take advantage of that opportunity that landed in your lap several months ago?” Well, let me explain this a bit more in depth from my perspective. I am a full-time college student, working a part-time job that demands late and long hours, and on top of all that, I was told that this would not be a get-rich-quick scheme and that I would take time and a lot of work. Obviously, I didn’t have a whole lot to spare. Plus, in a college town, I am surrounded by broke-as-fuck college students that are already struggling to make ends meet, so I clearly didn’t have a good customer base. But, because of my “excuses” and “unaccountable” he said that he didn’t feel that he couldn’t invest in someone who he thought didn’t have the drive to succeed in this business. Also, this business and their conferences, actively negate Socialism and preach so much hatred towards the slightest concept. So, here I am thinking “shit, this guy takes his anti-socialist attitude to heart, he doesn’t even consider helping a friend in need. Not even a stranger, but a friend”
It’s late and this rant shall suffice
at least you cant see who it is
I AM HUGGING YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU
ALSO SOMEONE ATE ONE OF YOUR SHOES BUT THIS IS NOT ABOUT THAT
Menswear Dog is a 3 year old shiba inu living in NYC with a panache for all things style.
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